My Soul is Crying
by Nike Megami
Summary: How the appearance of one woman can change the entire history of Nosgoth. Promises of angst and shippiness abound, as well as several spoilers for SR2. Chapter 3 now exists ^-^ R&R please!
1. Glittering Debutante

All rights belong to Crystal Dynamics and Eidos Interactive concerning Soul Reaver, Soul Reaver 2, Legacy of Kain, etc. As for me, I'm just a sad little gurl who luvs her video games too much @_@  
  
This fic is my first attempt at making a serious fic with serious angst to boot. I hope you all enjoy it, and I would appreciate feedback if you so desire.  
  
ASTRID  
  
In life I was Astrid Hlin Gunnlod, daughter of the prestigious vampire slayer Bjorn Gunnlod, whose reputation was revered by humans and feared by the dark creatures of the night. He once single-handedly slew an entire horde with but one axe, and no other man has been able to top that feat.  
But for all his might he could not prevent one solitary vampire from entering my chambers one night and robbing me of my virginity. I was known only as Astrid after that.  
It was fast and hard, and the pain lives forever with me; for on that night that vampire planted within me a parasite that drew out my blood until I had to steal from others to survive. My mother feared that I might be with child and sought the man who had visited me.  
My father, on the other hand, knew exactly what was wrong with me and did nothing to stop it, no matter how I begged or pleaded with him. He became my first meal once my mutation to vampire form was complete; shortly after I killed my mother, as I couldn't have her rally the whole town against me.  
As the curse in my womb wrought its handiwork, I succumbed to the bloodthirst ever so slowly, and eventually fell to slaying those who in life had been my closest confidants.  
I drew the life regretfully from my best friend, cradling her cold body in my arms, tears of blood running down my cheeks.  
She gasped and struggled for breath. She reached out, her hand trembling.  
I have no good reason for taking your life, friend. I must sustain myself. And I couldn't bear the thought of you shoving a stake through my heart and damning me to eternal hellfire.  
She and I embraced one last time, and she whispered, I'll always love you. Meet me in the afterlife.  
Then she sighed and fell limp.  
  
My next objective was to kill the man who had done this to me. I was able to locate him easily, following a trail of scent that I recognized as distinctly vampiric. The townspeople around me seemed to be unaware of such odors, their nasal acuity dulled by years of filth piled in the streets. I followed his trail to a hollow in a remote outcropping of rocks and immediately detected a strong smell of blood.  
Perhaps he'd chosen another victim and taken her back to his lair, I thought. Taking my chances, I picked up a fallen tree branch and entered.  
Upon entering the main hollow of his cavernous lair, I saw it was his own spilled blood that had attracted me so, and standing above his corpse was a woman, taller and more elegantly arrayed than I, and furling her luminescent wings behind her on my approach. She smeared his blood off her lips and addressed me.  
So, Astrid, you sought vengeance as well? Her lips curled into a smile.  
Who...are you? I clutched the branch, ready to strike if she made a move.  
She laughed and tossed her long, braided hair. Don't you recognize me? Or has it really been so long since Father sacrificed me?  
Father'?!...you can't possibly...what is your name?  
I am—or rather, was—Enkeli Tro Gunnlod, your sister, but now I am only Enkeli the Unique, the clan leader of the Chaos vampires. I don't care which one you call me.  
Slowly I sank to my knees, dropping the stick I would have raised against my long-lost sister.  
She noticed my despair and continued to speak. Why don't you join my clan? You'll never survive on your own. I was surprised this guy evaded me for so long.  
Your...clan?...You killed him...as vengeance?  
Why else would I slay a fellow vampire? She began to walk around the room, circling me as I crouched over the floor. I also intended to kill Father for giving me up and then killing more vampires to cover up his guilt. But since you've taken care of that, and Mother as well, I feel I should thank you. Consider it a gift, from one sister to another... She knelt before me and looked me in the eye. ...because I'll be saving your ass in the process.  
I dared not ask from what she was saving me; suddenly I could faintly hear the shouts of an angry mob and smelled their burning torches and their raging tempers. She told me to go hide in a corner and left to meet the mob outside the cave. Their words ricocheted off the cave walls, and I was able to understand only that the townspeople were after the one who now lay dead on the floor. My sister replied something, to which the mob leader responded with an angry shout, followed by more shouts and then screams. Enkeli walked back a few moments later, smiling ever so faintly.  
Would you care to join me? There's a feast to be had out of doors.  
Eagerly I followed her, greedily anticipating a few slurps of a feast I at once reviled and rejoiced in.  
Once outside, however, I nearly dropped my jaw. Dead people lay in gruesome bloody heaps all over the ground. The dying groaned from inside the piles of corpses.  
Oh...how could you? I gasped.  
Enkeli laughed. You're still a bit too human yet, Astrid. You know nothing of what it is to be a true vampire. We are here to keep the human herd in check. Now, the first step to losing your human weaknesses is to put those miserable fools out of their misery. She disappeared into the cavern, tossing her hair.  
I watched her recede into the darkness and then turned back to the massacre grounds. I pitied the husbands and fathers and brothers and sons who all lay bleeding, but I'm still not quite sure if I saw their spilled blood as a waste of life or a waste of food. Nevertheless, I drained each and every one of those wounded, making the first move down a long path of shame and dehumanization.  
  
The next step I took was to learn the art of staff wielding. My sister, who eventually became my master, supplied my untrained hands with an ornate polearm and dared me to challenge her.  
I gazed at the beautiful weapon, realizing its uselessness in my hands, and raised an eyebrow.  
You expect me to fight you? She chuckled as I continued, What is the matter with you? You're the leader of a clan and you're asking me, your little sister who's got just a sliver of a fraction of your power, to fight you in a duel?  
Well, they say you'll never know unless you try.  
I hesitated just a moment longer, feeling the smooth warmth of the staff in my hands. Her frustrated growl edged me into the inevitable combat, as I sought not to infuriate my newfound benefactor. I had no inkling of the powers she could summon against me were she enraged, nor was I foolish enough to find out myself.  
She parried each of my blows expertly, and I did as much for her. It seemed, after all, that we were an even match for each other, and that the duel would continue endlessly unless someone made a crucial move—which I selflessly took by allowing her to disarm me and beat me over the head with her staff.  
Very good, Astrid, she applauded. You've realized the most important rule of combat. If you're fighting something much stronger than yourself, don't push it.  
Now that you've proven yourself as a worthy warrior and vampire, you may follow me to my chambers. I have a gift you're sure to adore.  
Her startling degree of arrogance amazed me, but I was not one to dwell long on other's faults. Or rather, I should say, I used to be that way. Since that day and everafter, I've changed. Some changes were subtle, some quite obvious.  
Her gift to me was a small beaker of her blood, which she directed me to imbibe. Warily I followed her command and delicately swallowed the blood.  
Once inside my body, it surged rapidly through all the derelict vessels of my vampiric body, plunging through all my defunct organs, and infused me with powers I never imagined possible. Pain seared through my body as my back was torn open by my very own pair of shimmering wings, dripping with the blood and flesh they had burst through on their way out.  
Enkeli smiled as she observed my agony and drew aside the curtains on her window. The harsh afternoon sun boiled the blood and flesh from my wings and fluffed out the feathers.  
I writhed on the floor, expecting death to come mercifully and quickly, and gasped. Slowly I stood and faced the window, and suffered not one burn. The light of the sun, once the bane of all banes, felt as good upon my skin as it had when I was human.  
What...is this? Why is the sun not harming me?  
Enkeli chuckled. That is one of the powers each of my fledglings inherits upon tasting my blood. Another is the handsome pair of wings on your back. Within several days' time, those wings will be lifting you high above the slopes and villages of Ihrlandja.  
You, however, are the first of my Chaos vampires to receive the blessing of a Dark Gift. Only the most powerful of vampires have a gift such as yours. My gift is, surprisingly enough, to restore a broken, mangled, or rotten body to its former glory. She shrugged as she continued, I see no purpose for this gift in the company of self-regenerating vampires, but the one who granted it to me informed me that someday, it may change the entire history of Nosgoth.  
...what is my gift, sister? I whimpered, still shocked from the pain of my wings.  
That is for you to find out on your own, dear Astrid. I was told of my gift only because my savior knew what exactly it was he was giving me, and he said it was very necessary that I knew my power.  
I shook my hair in the warm sunlight and gazed sadly at the landscape surrounding Enkeli's castle carved into the cliffside. Never again would I be able to traverse those forest paths and enjoy the charming scenery of the human lifestyle.  
It ached, and yet I felt an opposing longing, a yearning to soar above those pitiful humans, eternally grounded and at the mercy of flying vampires such as myself. A smile cracked the cold mask of my face, then a giggle as I licked my fangs. Oh, how tempting was the power I now possessed over those puny mortals who only recently were my comrades.  
Suddenly my belly ached, and I doubled over in a futile attempt to quench the hurt. It must have been that parasite that the vampire planted in me. I realized I should probably remove that parasite if I was to find any joy in this vampiric unlife which I had just begun.  
  
Time marched on ceaselessly. Three centuries have passed since the day I received Enkeli's gift, and almost so long since I discovered the wonders of flight. Humanity slowly had less to offer me over these centuries than a source of vital nutrition.  
Enkeli prides herself on the fearsome woman I have become. No one can stand up to me, neither human nor vampire, without in some way groveling in the presence of my might. My wings, a beautiful silver that flashes white in the sun, can take me everywhere.  
My Dark Gift remains a mystery, even to myself. Nothing I try can bring those mystical powers out from my very soul. Perhaps it is necessary to leave the Chaos clan, only for a short time, to find my powers.  
I bring this possibility to Enkeli's attention and she smiles.  
I never imagined you would stay here very long, she replies. Centuries have passed, but there are centuries more ahead of you—and all around you—that you must experience yourself. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.  
She reaches behind her throne, withdraws a silky scarf, and tosses it across my right shoulder.  
Take this with you. Something tells me you'll need it.  
I nod my respects to her and take off into the sky from the large window in the ceiling of the throneroom.  
  
Once aloft, I find myself wondering about the oceans surrounding Ihrlandja. My home country is by no means a small island nation, but a large landmass with no immediate neighbors. The vast expanses of water must surely separate my land from some other place. With that in mind, I set out to the west and sail over the blue waters.  
I wasn't prepared for such a long journey, at least not well prepared. I flew from sunrise to sunset before finding a place to land, and once there I had no choice but to roost in the scraggly remains of a miniature tree.  
The bats beside me gaze at me all night, and I at them, for I had no need of sleep. My tired wings need to rest, and these bats are too afraid to take the rest they so desperately wanted.  
In the morning, when the bats finally curl up for their repose, I become so ravenously hungry that I succumb to feasting on the small blood these puny creatures hold and that of the nearby fish in the sea. Nothing is more repugnant than bat blood, except maybe fish blood.  
How dissatisfying! I must find a human—and fast.  
  
Once again, I take to the skies and fly until my wings can scarcely move. Today I find myself cresting the top of a mountain range and stumbling upon an elegant structure in the middle of one mountain.  
It resembles an aerie, one constructed for birds the size of men. Without understanding why, I descend into the structure and search the building for any sign of life.  
I call out. Is anybody home?  
I hear no reply. What does catch my attention, however, is a chest laid up against a wall. As I approach, the design on the lid becomes more clear.  
This chest appears to harbor a blade, one with mysterious powers. I lift the lid and discover the very blade depicted on the chest, lying still in its rest.  
What was it...what did sister tell me about the ancients?  
This curved blade is somehow familiar to me, though I know not why. I can't place the sensation I feel as I gaze upon it, nor can I remember what the blade was called. All I know is that it somehow finds its way to my hand, as if it commanded me to take it somewhere, and it feels good in my grasp.  
You there! What are you doing??  
I startle at the voice and replace the blade in its chest.  
A man-like figure with huge, black wings, rushes down a long hall towards me. I can't imagine his intentions are too kind, as I just rooted through his personal belongings.  
I shout as I dive out to the balcony and fly off into the falling snow.  
  
This close call with the winged man of blue flesh reminds me of my deep hunger for blood. I'm not sure what it is about him; he seems to be as far from humans and vampires alike that he can call no one his kin.  
A small village just on the other side of the mountain beckons to my thirsty self, and I plummet into the home of a very unlucky human.  
she screams. Sarafan!! Save me!!  
No one can save you now!! I retort.  
I grab her and sink my fangs into her much-welcomed flesh. Her warm blood pools in my mouth and trickles down her shoulder, and I am at once relieved. My mind is restored, as are my senses—which suddenly alert me to the presence of another human in this very house.  
JANOS AUDRON!! the human shouts at me as he rushes up the stairs to this room.  
Your evil scheme ends here!!  
He bursts through the door with his sword brandished and ready to gut me. He falters upon seeing a woman standing before him with her wings unfurled about her, rather than the man he wishes to destroy.  
Oh. Are you looking for someone? I ask. His armor, though impressive, could not stand four blows from my staff.  
He lowers his eyebrows and grunts. No matter; I shall slay all the foul kin of that demon vampire!  
You're not very bright, are you? I claim no one as my kin but my sister Enkeli and the Ancient Ones. This Janos Audron...whomever he may be, I know him not and refuse to be classified as his ally.  
Heh. Your fancy words will not stay my righteous hand from destroying you, vampire scum!  
He charges at me and finds his sword stuck in the post of the dead woman's canopy bed.  
Who are you to call yourself righteous, human? Only those with ultimate powers are allowed to be the righteous. You, being a human, can only languish in your desire for the power I and the Ancient Ones possess.  
STOP TALKING!! he bellows as he charges at me once more.  
I do not wish to fight this measly being, as I would destroy him quickly and get no pleasure from draining his arrogant blood. I remember the scarf about my neck and grasp it in my hands, weaving it in and around his body and mine, trailing it through time and space and hoping he will be distracted by the scarf.  
He blinks, sheathes his sword and asks me, Is there anything wrong, Madam?  
I turn to the dead woman's mirror and gasp. In that shiny pool I see the man who had just attacked me and, in my place, the image of the dead woman.  
  
Madam? Are you all right?  
Oh. I'm quite all right. I—thought I saw something coming towards me, and thought you might help save me.  
He smiles, and I almost find myself blushing. Well, as long as you're not harmed, I don't need to be here. Unless you would like for me to stay...  
This is most excellent, I tell myself. My Dark Gift must be illusions, because he doesn't remember who I am, nor does he see that corpse on the floor. I will enjoy this very much.  
Ah, perhaps you should not stay, young man. As you see, I was just getting dressed for a long night of work—  
I see that, my beautiful Madam. Then I shall take my leave of you—but I would love to come back here. You know the Sarafan could always use more recruits.  
Oh, you're always welcome here! I laugh, secretly infuriated by his lecherous insult to my womanhood.  
some highly irritated man shouts from outside. Get back to your post at once, you young fool!!  
Raziel bows most politely to me, apologizes for bursting into my room, and darts back down the stairs.  
I sink into the dead woman's bed and sigh.  
Already I found myself some trouble. I've pissed off a creepy man with blue skin and wings, have a foolish human vampire slayer head-over-heels for me, and I've taken the role of a whore! What would my poor sister think of me now?  
  
I decide to not find out for a long time what my sister would see me as, now that I had tricked this young man into believing I wasn't an almighty vampire but a lowly brothel girl. Though his unwarranted vindication against all vampires bothers me ever so much, his manly charms entertain the girl I once was, and we often spend nights together.  
I wait for ten years in that little village under the mountain lair of the blade and the blue man. I wait, and then I tire of the human life and decide to leave. My illusions follow me through this mystical land with no name, and perhaps that young Sarafan priest Raziel has forgotten me entirely.  
No one suspects me as a vampire. Whenever I come into the lair of humans I weave my illusions and become one of them, preying on their most dastardly bandits and chauvinist pigs. I thin the herd, move on to the next town, and repeat the process.  
No one fears the godly vampire Astrid. No one knows she is hiding in the husk of the seductive lady Astrid. Without all the usual fear and hate accompanying my name, I find my job as a vampire can be carried out much easier.  
All the joy in my silent massacre abandons me when I hear news of a Sarafan plot to slay the greatest vampire in all of Nosgoth. Unaware of the close-mindedness of these fools, I assume the humans are referring to my sister as the greatest vampire. I hurry to find the Sarafan before they can slay my benefactor.  
  
Stupid Sarafan! I curse as I soar to their stronghold, towards which some fool had been kind enough to direct me. Do you wish to bring all the powers of the Chaos vampires upon your easily cracked skulls??  
I am almost there when I suddenly notice a strange creature in the forest below me. It ambles along on two cloven feet, with small flaps of blue flesh trailing behind it from its back.  
What manner of peculiar beast is that? I wonder silently. I must find out. How intriguing it is!  
For this hunt, there is no need of my illusions. I am once again the vampire I respect, and I flit from tree to tree in pursuit of this emaciated blue beast. It seems to not have much in the way of a body holding itself together, but the chance that it has any blood to drink persuades me to keep after it.  
It stops in the middle of its trek to the Sarafan stronghold and shouts to the trees.  
I know you're there, vampire. Show yourself, or forever keep your cowardice!  
I dive from the trees to land before it and scoff.  
How dare you suggest that a vampire could be a coward!  
It narrows its glowing eye-slits and bitterly retorts, In all my life, the vampires I've known are cowards.  
You must have known some very weak vampires.  
Even my maker Kain was a coward. The cowardly pawn of whatever dark forces are out to destroy Nosgoth.  
Oh, now we're blaming demons and devils for your own kin's weakness? What are you, to insult vampires so relentlessly?  
I am Raziel, the Soul Reaver. I am here only to avenge Janos Audron.  
His words certainly are amusing, as I double over laughing before him.  
OH! you? You're not that handsome young Sarafan priest who's absolutely smitten for me, nor are you the wraith blade of the Ancient Ones! You have balls to try throwing that bullshit at me!! Raziel?! I think not!  
He seems to be a very easily annoyed person, as he barks back at me.  
Your vanity blinds you, fool vampire. I AM the very same Raziel you speak of. I am as close to one of the ancient vampires as you'll ever have the fortune of meeting. I AM the Soul Reaver itself, don't you see?  
He holds out his right arm for inspection and, as I watch, the coils of a blue wraith blade wrap around his fleshless arm and take the shape of the blade I saw in the winged man's aerie.  
The Reaver disappears just as quickly as it appeared, and Raziel continues, I'm surprised the Sarafan haven't already destroyed you in your vain fits of self-appreciation, which I'm sure are many and frequent.  
Oh, are you just jealous because you don't have wings as lovely as mine? You must be, you poor tiresome little creature.  
...I used to have functional wings. That was before I stopped being a vampire and became this.  
He starts to walk off towards the Sarafan stronghold, but he doesn't get very far before I pursue him and barrage him relentlessly with taunts.  
You'd love if your wings worked half as well as mine, true? You can't even flap those useless pieces of flesh on your back. I imagine you don't have any friends either, what with that horrid look you always have on your face. You've fallen from the ranks of vampire, and you're not even half as charming as a human. You're even less than a demon, with that horrid little body! Oh, woe is the poor lonely Soul Reaver, wandering this cursed land with no friends—  
He clutches my neck with his cloven hand and squeezes surprisingly hard. I find it impossible to reply as he vents his frustration on me.  
DAMN YOUR INFERNAL CHATTER!! Janos Audron WAS my friend, my ONLY friend, and he's just been slain! Leave me to my mission, or I'll murder you along with those Sarafan DOGS!!  
He coarsely tosses me to the side of the road and continues down the path.  
I scrape the twigs from my hair and mutter curses.  
You're not Raziel. You don't know anything that happened between us. Raziel loved me.  
Something rustles the bushes behind me—I turn, and a child runs through the bushes towards the stronghold.  
  
Hey! Child! I pursue her, fearful of the drastic measures she may take to save herself. If I could remember one bit of my training from centuries ago, it was a deep respect for children. Enkeli had warned me, if a child ever came to harm and I was to blame, my death would be slow and painful.  
Please, don't run! I will not hurt you, child! Please stop!  
she screams, stumbling over fallen trees and hurting herself in her mad dash for safety.  
She bursts into a clearing, where I stop just short of exposing myself to the nearby humans, and buries her head into the belly of one of the Sarafan guards.  
the guard cries out. What's wrong?  
Ohh...it's terrible. I saw a vampire and—some horrible creature, and they were plotting to get into the stronghold and slay all of us!  
He embraces the child closer to himself and stiffens his shoulders.  
No such thing shall happen, Libera. I thank you kindly for warning us.  
Another Sarafan guard picks up his trident and asks, Raziel? Shall I go back and warn the others?  
Go, Melchiah. I will follow you shortly.  
The other guard tears off into the wilderness, and Raziel strokes the trembling child's hair.  
Do you know where the vampire is now, child?  
She shakes her head. She followed me here, but I don't know where she is now. Oh Father, I'm so scared!  
Father?  
Father!?  
I must save Raziel and the girl from that beast!


	2. From the Other Side

ASTRID  
  
In life I was Astrid Hlin Gunnlod, daughter of the prestigious vampire slayer Bjorn Gunnlod, whose reputation was revered by humans and feared by the dark creatures of the night. He once single-handedly slew an entire horde with but one axe, and no other man has been able to top that feat.  
But for all his might he could not prevent one solitary vampire from entering my chambers one night and robbing me of my virginity. I was known only as Astrid after that.  
It was fast and hard, and the pain lives forever with me; for on that night that vampire planted within me a parasite that drew out my blood until I had to steal from others to survive. My mother feared that I might be with child and sought the man who had visited me.  
My father, on the other hand, knew exactly what was wrong with me and did nothing to stop it, no matter how I begged or pleaded with him. He became my first meal once my mutation to vampire form was complete; shortly after I killed my mother, as I couldn't have her rally the whole town against me.  
As the curse in my womb wrought its handiwork, I succumbed to the bloodthirst ever so slowly, and eventually fell to slaying those who in life had been my closest confidants.  
I drew the life regretfully from my best friend, cradling her cold body in my arms, tears of blood running down my cheeks.  
She gasped and struggled for breath. She reached out, her hand trembling.  
I have no good reason for taking your life, friend. I must sustain myself. And I couldn't bear the thought of you shoving a stake through my heart and damning me to eternal hellfire.  
She and I embraced one last time, and she whispered, I'll always love you. Meet me in the afterlife.  
Then she sighed and fell limp.  
  
My next objective was to kill the man who had done this to me. I was able to locate him easily, following a trail of scent that I recognized as distinctly vampiric. The townspeople around me seemed to be unaware of such odors, their nasal acuity dulled by years of filth piled in the streets. I followed his trail to a hollow in a remote outcropping of rocks and immediately detected a strong smell of blood.  
Perhaps he'd chosen another victim and taken her back to his lair, I thought. Taking my chances, I picked up a fallen tree branch and entered.  
Upon entering the main hollow of his cavernous lair, I saw it was his own spilled blood that had attracted me so, and standing above his corpse was a woman, taller and more elegantly arrayed than I, and furling her luminescent wings behind her on my approach. She smeared his blood off her lips and addressed me.  
So, Astrid, you sought vengeance as well? Her lips curled into a smile.  
Who...are you? I clutched the branch, ready to strike if she made a move.  
She laughed and tossed her long, braided hair. Don't you recognize me? Or has it really been so long since Father sacrificed me?  
Father'?!...you can't possibly...what is your name?  
I am—or rather, was—Enkeli Tro Gunnlod, your sister, but now I am only Enkeli the Unique, the clan leader of the Chaos vampires. I don't care which one you call me.  
Slowly I sank to my knees, dropping the stick I would have raised against my long-lost sister.  
She noticed my despair and continued to speak. Why don't you join my clan? You'll never survive on your own. I was surprised this guy evaded me for so long.  
Your...clan?...You killed him...as vengeance?  
Why else would I slay a fellow vampire? She began to walk around the room, circling me as I crouched over the floor. I also intended to kill Father for giving me up and then killing more vampires to cover up his guilt. But since you've taken care of that, and Mother as well, I feel I should thank you. Consider it a gift, from one sister to another... She knelt before me and looked me in the eye. ...because I'll be saving your ass in the process.  
I dared not ask from what she was saving me; suddenly I could faintly hear the shouts of an angry mob and smelled their burning torches and their raging tempers. She told me to go hide in a corner and left to meet the mob outside the cave. Their words ricocheted off the cave walls, and I was able to understand only that the townspeople were after the one who now lay dead on the floor. My sister replied something, to which the mob leader responded with an angry shout, followed by more shouts and then screams. Enkeli walked back a few moments later, smiling ever so faintly.  
Would you care to join me? There's a feast to be had out of doors.  
Eagerly I followed her, greedily anticipating a few slurps of a feast I at once reviled and rejoiced in.  
Once outside, however, I nearly dropped my jaw. Dead people lay in gruesome bloody heaps all over the ground. The dying groaned from inside the piles of corpses.  
Oh...how could you? I gasped.  
Enkeli laughed. You're still a bit too human yet, Astrid. You know nothing of what it is to be a true vampire. We are here to keep the human herd in check. Now, the first step to losing your human weaknesses is to put those miserable fools out of their misery. She disappeared into the cavern, tossing her hair.  
I watched her recede into the darkness and then turned back to the massacre grounds. I pitied the husbands and fathers and brothers and sons who all lay bleeding, but I'm still not quite sure if I saw their spilled blood as a waste of life or a waste of food. Nevertheless, I drained each and every one of those wounded, making the first move down a long path of shame and dehumanization.  
  
The next step I took was to learn the art of staff wielding. My sister, who eventually became my master, supplied my untrained hands with an ornate polearm and dared me to challenge her.  
I gazed at the beautiful weapon, realizing its uselessness in my hands, and raised an eyebrow.  
You expect me to fight you? She chuckled as I continued, What is the matter with you? You're the leader of a clan and you're asking me, your little sister who's got just a sliver of a fraction of your power, to fight you in a duel?  
Well, they say you'll never know unless you try.  
I hesitated just a moment longer, feeling the smooth warmth of the staff in my hands. Her frustrated growl edged me into the inevitable combat, as I sought not to infuriate my newfound benefactor. I had no inkling of the powers she could summon against me were she enraged, nor was I foolish enough to find out myself.  
She parried each of my blows expertly, and I did as much for her. It seemed, after all, that we were an even match for each other, and that the duel would continue endlessly unless someone made a crucial move—which I selflessly took by allowing her to disarm me and beat me over the head with her staff.  
Very good, Astrid, she applauded. You've realized the most important rule of combat. If you're fighting something much stronger than yourself, don't push it.  
Now that you've proven yourself as a worthy warrior and vampire, you may follow me to my chambers. I have a gift you're sure to adore.  
Her startling degree of arrogance amazed me, but I was not one to dwell long on other's faults. Or rather, I should say, I used to be that way. Since that day and everafter, I've changed. Some changes were subtle, some quite obvious.  
Her gift to me was a small beaker of her blood, which she directed me to imbibe. Warily I followed her command and delicately swallowed the blood.  
Once inside my body, it surged rapidly through all the derelict vessels of my vampiric body, plunging through all my defunct organs, and infused me with powers I never imagined possible. Pain seared through my body as my back was torn open by my very own pair of shimmering wings, dripping with the blood and flesh they had burst through on their way out.  
Enkeli smiled as she observed my agony and drew aside the curtains on her window. The harsh afternoon sun boiled the blood and flesh from my wings and fluffed out the feathers.  
I writhed on the floor, expecting death to come mercifully and quickly, and gasped. Slowly I stood and faced the window, and suffered not one burn. The light of the sun, once the bane of all banes, felt as good upon my skin as it had when I was human.  
What...is this? Why is the sun not harming me?  
Enkeli chuckled. That is one of the powers each of my fledglings inherits upon tasting my blood. Another is the handsome pair of wings on your back. Within several days' time, those wings will be lifting you high above the slopes and villages of Ihrlandja.  
You, however, are the first of my Chaos vampires to receive the blessing of a Dark Gift. Only the most powerful of vampires have a gift such as yours. My gift is, surprisingly enough, to restore a broken, mangled, or rotten body to its former glory. She shrugged as she continued, I see no purpose for this gift in the company of self-regenerating vampires, but the one who granted it to me informed me that someday, it may change the entire history of Nosgoth.  
...what is my gift, sister? I whimpered, still shocked from the pain of my wings.  
That is for you to find out on your own, dear Astrid. I was told of my gift only because my savior knew what exactly it was he was giving me, and he said it was very necessary that I knew my power.  
I shook my hair in the warm sunlight and gazed sadly at the landscape surrounding Enkeli's castle carved into the cliffside. Never again would I be able to traverse those forest paths and enjoy the charming scenery of the human lifestyle.  
It ached, and yet I felt an opposing longing, a yearning to soar above those pitiful humans, eternally grounded and at the mercy of flying vampires such as myself. A smile cracked the cold mask of my face, then a giggle as I licked my fangs. Oh, how tempting was the power I now possessed over those puny mortals who only recently were my comrades.  
Suddenly my belly ached, and I doubled over in a futile attempt to quench the hurt. It must have been that parasite that the vampire planted in me. I realized I should probably remove that parasite if I was to find any joy in this vampiric unlife which I had just begun.  
  
Time marched on ceaselessly. Three centuries have passed since the day I received Enkeli's gift, and almost so long since I discovered the wonders of flight. Humanity slowly had less to offer me over these centuries than a source of vital nutrition.  
Enkeli prides herself on the fearsome woman I have become. No one can stand up to me, neither human nor vampire, without in some way groveling in the presence of my might. My wings, a beautiful silver that flashes white in the sun, can take me everywhere.  
My Dark Gift remains a mystery, even to myself. Nothing I try can bring those mystical powers out from my very soul. Perhaps it is necessary to leave the Chaos clan, only for a short time, to find my powers.  
I bring this possibility to Enkeli's attention and she smiles.  
I never imagined you would stay here very long, she replies. Centuries have passed, but there are centuries more ahead of you—and all around you—that you must experience yourself. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.  
She reaches behind her throne, withdraws a silky scarf, and tosses it across my right shoulder.  
Take this with you. Something tells me you'll need it.  
I nod my respects to her and take off into the sky from the large window in the ceiling of the throneroom.  
  
Once aloft, I find myself wondering about the oceans surrounding Ihrlandja. My home country is by no means a small island nation, but a large landmass with no immediate neighbors. The vast expanses of water must surely separate my land from some other place. With that in mind, I set out to the west and sail over the blue waters.  
I wasn't prepared for such a long journey, at least not well prepared. I flew from sunrise to sunset before finding a place to land, and once there I had no choice but to roost in the scraggly remains of a miniature tree.  
The bats beside me gaze at me all night, and I at them, for I had no need of sleep. My tired wings need to rest, and these bats are too afraid to take the rest they so desperately wanted.  
In the morning, when the bats finally curl up for their repose, I become so ravenously hungry that I succumb to feasting on the small blood these puny creatures hold and that of the nearby fish in the sea. Nothing is more repugnant than bat blood, except maybe fish blood.  
How dissatisfying! I must find a human—and fast.  
  
Once again, I take to the skies and fly until my wings can scarcely move. Today I find myself cresting the top of a mountain range and stumbling upon an elegant structure in the middle of one mountain.  
It resembles an aerie, one constructed for birds the size of men. Without understanding why, I descend into the structure and search the building for any sign of life.  
I call out. Is anybody home?  
I hear no reply. What does catch my attention, however, is a chest laid up against a wall. As I approach, the design on the lid becomes more clear.  
This chest appears to harbor a blade, one with mysterious powers. I lift the lid and discover the very blade depicted on the chest, lying still in its rest.  
What was it...what did sister tell me about the ancients?  
This curved blade is somehow familiar to me, though I know not why. I can't place the sensation I feel as I gaze upon it, nor can I remember what the blade was called. All I know is that it somehow finds its way to my hand, as if it commanded me to take it somewhere, and it feels good in my grasp.  
You there! What are you doing??  
I startle at the voice and replace the blade in its chest.  
A man-like figure with huge, black wings, rushes down a long hall towards me. I can't imagine his intentions are too kind, as I just rooted through his personal belongings.  
I shout as I dive out to the balcony and fly off into the falling snow.  
  
This close call with the winged man of blue flesh reminds me of my deep hunger for blood. I'm not sure what it is about him; he seems to be as far from humans and vampires alike that he can call no one his kin.  
A small village just on the other side of the mountain beckons to my thirsty self, and I plummet into the home of a very unlucky human.  
she screams. Sarafan!! Save me!!  
No one can save you now!! I retort.  
I grab her and sink my fangs into her much-welcomed flesh. Her warm blood pools in my mouth and trickles down her shoulder, and I am at once relieved. My mind is restored, as are my senses—which suddenly alert me to the presence of another human in this very house.  
JANOS AUDRON!! the human shouts at me as he rushes up the stairs to this room.  
Your evil scheme ends here!!  
He bursts through the door with his sword brandished and ready to gut me. He falters upon seeing a woman standing before him with her wings unfurled about her, rather than the man he wishes to destroy.  
Oh. Are you looking for someone? I ask. His armor, though impressive, could not stand four blows from my staff.  
He lowers his eyebrows and grunts. No matter; I shall slay all the foul kin of that demon vampire!  
You're not very bright, are you? I claim no one as my kin but my sister Enkeli and the Ancient Ones. This Janos Audron...whomever he may be, I know him not and refuse to be classified as his ally.  
Heh. Your fancy words will not stay my righteous hand from destroying you, vampire scum!  
He charges at me and finds his sword stuck in the post of the dead woman's canopy bed.  
Who are you to call yourself righteous, human? Only those with ultimate powers are allowed to be the righteous. You, being a human, can only languish in your desire for the power I and the Ancient Ones possess.  
STOP TALKING!! he bellows as he charges at me once more.  
I do not wish to fight this measly being, as I would destroy him quickly and get no pleasure from draining his arrogant blood. I remember the scarf about my neck and grasp it in my hands, weaving it in and around his body and mine, trailing it through time and space and hoping he will be distracted by the scarf.  
He blinks, sheathes his sword and asks me, Is there anything wrong, Madam?  
I turn to the dead woman's mirror and gasp. In that shiny pool I see the man who had just attacked me and, in my place, the image of the dead woman.  
  
Madam? Are you all right?  
Oh. I'm quite all right. I—thought I saw something coming towards me, and thought you might help save me.  
He smiles, and I almost find myself blushing. Well, as long as you're not harmed, I don't need to be here. Unless you would like for me to stay...  
This is most excellent, I tell myself. My Dark Gift must be illusions, because he doesn't remember who I am, nor does he see that corpse on the floor. I will enjoy this very much.  
Ah, perhaps you should not stay, young man. As you see, I was just getting dressed for a long night of work—  
I see that, my beautiful Madam. Then I shall take my leave of you—but I would love to come back here. You know the Sarafan could always use more recruits.  
Oh, you're always welcome here! I laugh, secretly infuriated by his lecherous insult to my womanhood.  
some highly irritated man shouts from outside. Get back to your post at once, you young fool!!  
Raziel bows most politely to me, apologizes for bursting into my room, and darts back down the stairs.  
I sink into the dead woman's bed and sigh.  
Already I found myself some trouble. I've pissed off a creepy man with blue skin and wings, have a foolish human vampire slayer head-over-heels for me, and I've taken the role of a whore! What would my poor sister think of me now?  
  
I decide to not find out for a long time what my sister would see me as, now that I had tricked this young man into believing I wasn't an almighty vampire but a lowly brothel girl. Though his unwarranted vindication against all vampires bothers me ever so much, his manly charms entertain the girl I once was, and we often spend nights together.  
I wait for ten years in that little village under the mountain lair of the blade and the blue man. I wait, and then I tire of the human life and decide to leave. My illusions follow me through this mystical land with no name, and perhaps that young Sarafan priest Raziel has forgotten me entirely.  
No one suspects me as a vampire. Whenever I come into the lair of humans I weave my illusions and become one of them, preying on their most dastardly bandits and chauvinist pigs. I thin the herd, move on to the next town, and repeat the process.  
No one fears the godly vampire Astrid. No one knows she is hiding in the husk of the seductive lady Astrid. Without all the usual fear and hate accompanying my name, I find my job as a vampire can be carried out much easier.  
All the joy in my silent massacre abandons me when I hear news of a Sarafan plot to slay the greatest vampire in all of Nosgoth. Unaware of the close-mindedness of these fools, I assume the humans are referring to my sister as the greatest vampire. I hurry to find the Sarafan before they can slay my benefactor.  
  
Stupid Sarafan! I curse as I soar to their stronghold, towards which some fool had been kind enough to direct me. Do you wish to bring all the powers of the Chaos vampires upon your easily cracked skulls??  
I am almost there when I suddenly notice a strange creature in the forest below me. It ambles along on two cloven feet, with small flaps of blue flesh trailing behind it from its back.  
What manner of peculiar beast is that? I wonder silently. I must find out. How intriguing it is!  
For this hunt, there is no need of my illusions. I am once again the vampire I respect, and I flit from tree to tree in pursuit of this emaciated blue beast. It seems to not have much in the way of a body holding itself together, but the chance that it has any blood to drink persuades me to keep after it.  
It stops in the middle of its trek to the Sarafan stronghold and shouts to the trees.  
I know you're there, vampire. Show yourself, or forever keep your cowardice!  
I dive from the trees to land before it and scoff.  
How dare you suggest that a vampire could be a coward!  
It narrows its glowing eye-slits and bitterly retorts, In all my life, the vampires I've known are cowards.  
You must have known some very weak vampires.  
Even my maker Kain was a coward. The cowardly pawn of whatever dark forces are out to destroy Nosgoth.  
Oh, now we're blaming demons and devils for your own kin's weakness? What are you, to insult vampires so relentlessly?  
I am Raziel, the Soul Reaver. I am here only to avenge Janos Audron.  
His words certainly are amusing, as I double over laughing before him.  
OH! you? You're not that handsome young Sarafan priest who's absolutely smitten for me, nor are you the wraith blade of the Ancient Ones! You have balls to try throwing that bullshit at me!! Raziel?! I think not!  
He seems to be a very easily annoyed person, as he barks back at me.  
Your vanity blinds you, fool vampire. I AM the very same Raziel you speak of. I am as close to one of the ancient vampires as you'll ever have the fortune of meeting. I AM the Soul Reaver itself, don't you see?  
He holds out his right arm for inspection and, as I watch, the coils of a blue wraith blade wrap around his fleshless arm and take the shape of the blade I saw in the winged man's aerie.  
The Reaver disappears just as quickly as it appeared, and Raziel continues, I'm surprised the Sarafan haven't already destroyed you in your vain fits of self-appreciation, which I'm sure are many and frequent.  
Oh, are you just jealous because you don't have wings as lovely as mine? You must be, you poor tiresome little creature.  
...I used to have functional wings. That was before I stopped being a vampire and became this.  
He starts to walk off towards the Sarafan stronghold, but he doesn't get very far before I pursue him and barrage him relentlessly with taunts.  
You'd love if your wings worked half as well as mine, true? You can't even flap those useless pieces of flesh on your back. I imagine you don't have any friends either, what with that horrid look you always have on your face. You've fallen from the ranks of vampire, and you're not even half as charming as a human. You're even less than a demon, with that horrid little body! Oh, woe is the poor lonely Soul Reaver, wandering this cursed land with no friends—  
He clutches my neck with his cloven hand and squeezes surprisingly hard. I find it impossible to reply as he vents his frustration on me.  
DAMN YOUR INFERNAL CHATTER!! Janos Audron WAS my friend, my ONLY friend, and he's just been slain! Leave me to my mission, or I'll murder you along with those Sarafan DOGS!!  
He coarsely tosses me to the side of the road and continues down the path.  
I scrape the twigs from my hair and mutter curses.  
You're not Raziel. You don't know anything that happened between us. Raziel loved me.  
Something rustles the bushes behind me—I turn, and a child runs through the bushes towards the stronghold.  
  
Hey! Child! I pursue her, fearful of the drastic measures she may take to save herself. If I could remember one bit of my training from centuries ago, it was a deep respect for children. Enkeli had warned me, if a child ever came to harm and I was to blame, my death would be slow and painful.  
Please, don't run! I will not hurt you, child! Please stop!  
she screams, stumbling over fallen trees and hurting herself in her mad dash for safety.  
She bursts into a clearing, where I stop just short of exposing myself to the nearby humans, and buries her head into the belly of one of the Sarafan guards.  
the guard cries out. What's wrong?  
Ohh...it's terrible. I saw a vampire and—some horrible creature, and they were plotting to get into the stronghold and slay all of us!  
He embraces the child closer to himself and stiffens his shoulders.  
No such thing shall happen, Libera. I thank you kindly for warning us.  
Another Sarafan guard picks up his trident and asks, Raziel? Shall I go back and warn the others?  
Go, Melchiah. I will follow you shortly.  
The other guard tears off into the wilderness, and Raziel strokes the trembling child's hair.  
Do you know where the vampire is now, child?  
She shakes her head. She followed me here, but I don't know where she is now. Oh Father, I'm so scared!  
Father?  
Father!?  
I must save Raziel and the girl from that beast!  
RAZIEL  
  
I must have relived that moment one thousand times. After I killed my former self and fell into the Spectral Realm to avoid the crushing blow of the paradox, I had nothing better to do than return to the time just preceding the Sarafan massacre and repeat it. Each and every time it had passed, the same as always, and all the Sarafan lay dead at my feet. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had hoped.  
At some point it changed. I don't remember when or how, but one day I find myself racing down the path to slay the Sarafan and I am joined by an unwanted companion.  
Her appearance is too irritating to retell. I almost understood the righteous bloodlust of the bastard I once was.  
Then I remember the terrible deed wrought by his hands, and my thirst for vengeance springs anew.  
But I wonder what effects this vampire's appearance has made on the course of events. I enter the stronghold and follow the preordained path to the Soul Reaver and stumble upon a passing of humans. I dart into the shadows to discern their hushed conversation without interruption.  
Raziel, are you sure that the child speaks the truth? That there is a beast and a vampire come here to try to murder us?  
Dumah, do not doubt my daughter. She would never lie so extravagantly.  
Daughter? I have a daughter?!  
My voice proceeds up the hall and fades, and I can hear the grumbles of my former brethren.  
That fool child cannot be trusted. What does a street urchin like her know about vampires and beasts?  
Exactly, Rahab. Raziel may have the respect of all mankind, but he is unwise to keep this filthy child here and train her in the Sarafan manner.  
My daughter is a Sarafan—in training!? I must rescue her, lest I be forced to slay her as well.  
I dart into the room where the stolen Reaver lays and, if I had still a lower jaw, would have dropped it.  
In the room is a small girl, about twelve years old and hesitantly reaching for the hilt of the blade. She has no idea of the power of that blade, nor of the impact she may have on this world were she to take it from me.  
Child! Don't touch that!!  
She whirls about to confront me, takes in the sight of me, and lets out a gut-wrenching scream.  
  
I hear myself shout. Quickly I duck into the deepest of shadows to observe the encounter of this young girl and my former self, all of us under the watchful eye of the Reaver.  
She continues to scream, scraping her lungs and throat dry until the safety of her father's arms is in sight.  
What are you DOING in here, my child?! This blade is forbidden!  
It's here, Father! That thing—it's here!! She now sobs upon his breastplate.  
He—I—tucks her closer to himself and edges towards the open door.  
If that beast is already here, then the vampire master must have already penetrated to the innermost sanctuary! Come, Libera, you must hide!  
He rushes her off to the safety of a distant chamber, while I emerge from my shadowy retreat and grasp the Reaver.  
Vampire master? I reiterate. No one is my master. Particularly not that foolish woman!  
The blade soaks up my rage, and I plunge headlong through the ranks of the Sarafan brothers. Per the usual custom, each of them fights me until his last drop of blood, which the Reaver is only too eager to drain from their flaccid corpses.  
Finally I encounter myself, still haughty and sure of my own victory.  
Oh, are you come to weaken me so your cowardly vampire master can finish me? the old Raziel scoffs.  
I have no master. I belong to no one.  
Then I suppose it is no matter to you that your cursed friend Janos Audron lies dead and decaying in his birdcage?  
YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE HIS HEART!  
If it means the end of the vampire plague, then I had the right of GOD to slay him!  
Where is the nobility and the holiness in genocide?! It's all meaningless murder!  
Murder?? I put that damn fool out of his misery!  
This conversation disturbs me deeply. Never in all the repeated cycles have I taken so long to chatter with my former self. The appearance of this woman vampire certainly changed the course of Nosgoth's history.  
Now, prepare to die, you foul demon!  
I fight myself once more, though filled with a sense of dread and anxiety. What will change after I slay myself? Will the Reaver turn on me? Will I suffer the same soul-tearing experience as always?  
I spit the arrogant bastard on the blade and triumphantly withdraw, allowing his corpse to slide to the floor.  
Standing behind the now-dead man, in the doorway, is the child.  
  
She trembles, tries uselessly to contain her grief, and stares imploringly at me, silently asking why.  
I can't explain to her. I can't tell her anything. There is no way she could understand that her father must die, that he may be reborn as a vampire and later as this vile form I now inhabit. What purpose would it serve for her to try to understand? I have no purpose beyond slaying myself so that this cursed cycle may continue.  
You BASTARD!! she shouts, and rushes at me with her fists. You killed my father! How DARE YOU!!  
Her tiny fists pound upon my broken body like butterflies, but the power of her emotions strikes me harder than the Reaver ever had. Had I been capable, I should have become a sobbing heap of misery on the floor beside my own body.  
No matter how much distress she causes in me, her anguish is unmatched.  
I HATE you!! I hate all vampires! I'll kill you ALL!!  
I drop the Reaver to the floor and sadly reach to stroke her smooth hair, black as my own.  
She darts away from me, gives me a punishing look for daring to touch her, and resumes her assault.  
Now you want to kill me too?! You WON'T!!  
Her words fall upon deaf ears. Had I been able to harm her, I couldn't bring myself to. For, as much like the Sarafan Raziel as she was, there was hope yet for her. I could guide her from the shadows and teach her of Nosgoth's ancient history. Over time she may come to appreciate the torment vampires have suffered at the hands of the Hilden and the humans.  
At this moment, she isn't likely to understand anything but the most basic instinct to kill.  
I stand to take my leave of this grieving child when I am made aware of the presence of one whose presence I should always expect.  
  
It appears you've been a little busy, Raziel, Kain mutters, gazing at the child who is now pining over her father's corpse.  
And what if I have? She despises the very man she misses so much.  
If you've been wondering, Raziel, your suspicions about that new vampire are correct. Countless changes have been made in Nosgoth. Everything is different. I can't even envision what will happen, much less aid you in any way.  
I never asked for your aid, Kain. You seem to have the idea that your advice is always welcome.  
He shrugs his shoulders and waves his hand. Well, I never expected you to follow it—consciously. His lips crack into a broad, fanged grin.  
The child ceases her whimpering and glances about her. Upon seeing Kain, she gasps and cowers.  
Another vampire!?  
Her hand instantly reaches for and seizes the Reaver, and with both hands about the hilt she rises to her feet and makes Kain her target.  
I'll destroy you if you even come near me! she threatens.  
Kain breaks down laughing. Don't even try it, child. That blade is, in and of itself, a vampire. It was forged by vampires and meant to be wielded by vampiric hands. Save yourself some much-needed energy, child, and put down the Soul Reaver.  
She watches him warily, leaning towards the ground, and puts the blade back on the ground. Immediately she grasps her dead father's sword, still warm where his hand lay, and charges Kain.  
He phases out of sight just as she reaches him and reappears on the other side of the room.  
I don't want to have to stoop to killing a child, my dear little lady, he admonishes her, but if you persist in this useless activity I may have to persuade you more harshly to leave me be.  
She growls and takes a leap—and I seize her and fling the sword aside.  
Kain smiles at me as the girl struggles to free herself.  
granddaughter' you've given me is quite energetic, Raziel. Make sure she stays out of trouble; I'm sure she'll have no problems finding plenty for herself. He then disappears from the room entirely.  
  
I lose my senses for a moment, and unwittingly embrace the girl in my arms, as I had been accustomed to as a human. None of that usual displacement overtakes me, nor does the Reaver display any hunger for either of us.  
Instead, I feel a palpable weight upon my chest. My soul pulls upon my sanity as several tons of lead. I have ruined the life of my own daughter, which even for the benefit of my existence I cannot forgive.  
She pries out of my arms and casts an accusatory glance at me just before she leaves the room entirely.  
You vampires...whatever you're plotting, I'll stop you!  
With those words uttered, she escapes from my sight.  
Weary from battle, I slip into the realm of the spirits and collapse to my knees. Pitiful souls wend their way towards me, attracted by the ravenous wraith blade on my arm; I shove them aside and walk towards the door.  
Brooding over this misfortune will help no one. I must follow my daughter, must make sure she does not become what I once was, and hopefully she will grow stronger and wiser for all my efforts.  
  
Several days pass, and the remaining Sarafan priests gather to entomb their fallen leaders. Among them—or rather, leading them—is my bereaved young child, whose name I have come to realize means freedom.  
Libera...she seems so distant to me, more as a twice-removed niece than my very own daughter. I believe she intends to keep that distance as well, though she knows not who I really am.  
She leads the procession and me into the heart of a deep underground chamber, which Kain would later raid for the corpses he required to build his empire. She is wholly ignorant to what dreadful fate she is condemning her poor dead father, nor does she need to be informed.  
she says, turning to address the Sarafan following her. Even as a prepubescent teenager, she commands entire legions of men with only the power of her voice. I feel a smidgen of guilty pride in this child.  
We are gathered here to grant our fallen brothers the rest deserved by all righteous warriors. These men were slain in combat and gave their lives bravely to our cause. Here we inter their bodies, and pray that their souls have reached heaven.  
How ironic that the better portion of these bastards' souls would later become my meals.  
She pauses in her speech, allowing the Sarafan to lift the burdensome coffins from their backs and place them in their distinctly labeled stone tombs. Once each corpse is inside his cold stone bed, the men cover them and return to their formation.  
And, with the burial of our leader and my father, Raziel, I gravely assume the tasks he left behind as the new leader of the Sarafan order of priests.  
Oh no! She can't do this!  
My first act as leader of the Sarafan is to destroy the black heart of Janos Audron, which my father died for!  
My resolve to merely watch from the shadows is dashed to pieces as she raises the heart of my good friend from its container in one hand, and in the other she raises a wicked, curved dagger.  
  
The Sarafan immediately turn on me, and as each one falls to my wraith blade, I get only minutely closer to the barbaric act of my child. Fear pulses through me with each sweep of the Reaver, with each step closer to the shocking finale.  
Once the last of the guards is dead, I turn to Libera who triumphantly rakes the dagger through Janos's heart, sealing his death for all eternity.  
  
She turns her cold eyes on me and growls, My name is too pure for your foul tongue to utter, demon. Did you enjoy your slaughter?  
You—Foolish child! Why did you destroy the Heart? All of Nosgoth is doomed for your action!  
All of the vampires, you mean. What, did you intend to bring this filth back to its owner, that he may live to spread more of his vile kin across the world? Do you want the heart so badly? Have it!  
Libera coarsely tosses the shreds of the Heart of Darkness at me. In mute shock I simply watch the pieces of my friend bounce off my chest and onto the floor, where they shrivel and dissipate.  
Don't you want the heart? Or do you want to join your friend in the pits of hell?  
In an instant she has a staff in her arms, nearly piercing my ribcage.  
I...cannot fight you.  
she scolds me. Your death will not be as mercifully quick as the one you gave my father!  
I AM your father— I blurt, and halt when I realize that she would never listen to me. I turn and rush for the entrance to the tomb, followed very closely by the enraged child.  
Just before I make it to open air she shuts the gate before me, leaving me what she believes is only one option: facing her in combat.  
Can't run anymore, can you? she teases. You must face me now.  
What she does not realize, thankfully, is my easy escape to the spirit realm, where I slide through the gate and scamper into the safety of the surrounding mountains.  
Excellent. Not only has she destroyed my only chance of saving Janos Audron, she despises me and thinks me a coward. Perhaps she is right—I cannot face her, though she is but a child. She would be easily destroyed.  
But—my own flesh and blood—the one person to whom I could pass on my life and my advice. In a way, this must be how Kain feels towards me. Though I am not actually related to him, he made me and he admires his creation.  
I climb to a perch in the trees and watch Libera exit from the tomb. She must be upset about losing me, for her sense of vengeance I can sense as keenly as my own. She descends the mountain slowly and surely, and I trail her from a distance from which she can't possibly detect me.  
LIBERA  
  
The biting cold winds cannot affect me as much as they used to. My heart has grown cold and angry, though I sometimes still grieve very much.  
It was a great loss to the brotherhood, the loss of all our greatest warriors at one moment. Only Malek remains, and he faces the terrible burden of guarding the three of the Circle who were not slain that very same day. He does not seem the same as he always was. His face has become scarce lately.  
I stumble down the mountain and almost lose the path back home. Anger boils through me. I cannot believe I lost that bastard! My father would have been ashamed that I have taken so long to get my revenge.  
It is several hours before I get home, and I am very weary. The guards waiting at the gate ask about the others who came with me.  
They were attacked and slain by the same creature who killed my father. I barely escaped with my life.  
Well, fear not, Lady Libera. You are safe here.  
The guards usher me into the confines of the stronghold and close the gates to the cold world outside. Even here I do not feel safe. That blue beast managed to get in here before; what would keep him from reaching me now?  
I walk towards my bedchambers, because I am very tired suddenly. So tired that I slump over in the middle of the hallway and stagger away from smashing my head on the wall.  
a guard inquires. Are you all right?  
I glance up at him and smile weakly. I mumble something which I cannot hear, and he steps to my side and slings me over his shoulder. Everything is black, so black.  
I awaken on my bed, sitting straight up. The gentleman who brought me up to my chambers is kneeling beside me, apparently groveling.  
Sir? You may take your leave now. I am quite all right.  
He does not move. Perhaps he tired himself to sleep from the exercise.  
I jostle his head.  
His head rolls limply to one side, revealing a ghastly pair of bite marks on his firm neck.  
  
  
I jump away from him. A vampire must have followed me!  
I look about; all the windows are shut and locked. No vampire would have been able to come through without breaking the locks.  
My door is also shut and locked. If there is a vampire here, it must have followed us all the way here. Perhaps it was that male vampire I saw just after my father's death.  
I lick my lips nervously—and startle. My lips are not normally so salty. Hesitantly I wipe my mouth with my fingers and hold them out to inspect.  
On my fingers, and also my lips, is the red blood of a man.  
I look back at the man's neck. The bite marks are not so far apart, as if the vampire who slew him were a child. As if it were me.  
But I am not sure if it is really his blood on my mouth. Gently I bend over and taste the blood on his neck, then test that on my fingers. It tastes the same.  
I panic—could it be that vampires are taking over my body to get me slain by the very order I have sworn myself to?!  
I frantically smear the blood from my face onto my red bedsheets just as a guard begins pounding upon my door.  
Lady! Are you all right??  
I open the door and sigh with relief.  
Thank goodness you're here! A vampire just came to my chambers and slaughtered this poor man!  
The guard inspects the dead man's neck. Seems like a rather small vampire to me. Are you sure it got away?  
I nod my head. I almost had him. I wonder if I am truly fit to lead the Sarafan.  
He pats my shoulder and replies, Of course you are. You are young yet, but your courage and strength reflect your father's spirit.  
You'll make him proud. Now come, Lady Libera. If the vampire can reach you here, we must move you to a safer spot.  
He and the other guards prepare me a room right next to where the Soul Reaver lies. I cannot sleep well, turning over that vampire's words in my mind.  
Is the Reaver really a vampire blade? If so, can it seek blood like its demonic kin and kill me in the middle of the night? Does it bring vampires here like cats to catnip?  
And I see two glowing eyes staring at me the whole night through. Whose eyes are those, who watch over me so silently and so tirelessly?  
I pray despairingly for the guiding watch of my father's spirit to save me from this madness.  
  
I drift into a restless nap just before sunrise; when I awake, I am as tired as I ever have been. Sleep, it seems, cannot stop the change I feel deep inside, nor can it bring me the respite I need.  
a guard asks at my chamber door.  
I grunt uncharacteristically low.  
He taps the door open slightly and peeps in at my misery.  
The sun is full well in the sky, my lady Libera. Are you sleeping so long because you are ill?  
I bloody well wish I WAS ill, I almost reply.  
No. I am awake now.  
Rubbing my bleary eyes open, I stumble out of bed and towards the door. With his aid I make my way to the inner courtyard, where a stranger harshly calls attention to me.  
Is that your leader? barks a tall, unworldly-dressed man. His eyes seem alien as they bore through to my soul.  
Yes, sir. This is our lady Libera, daughter and successor of our slain leader Raziel.  
The tall stranger gives me the once-over and folds his arms, obviously dissatisfied.  
She is but a child, is she not? Perhaps, twelve?  
The guard speaking with him nods. Despite her youth, she is a very powerful commander.  
Is that all she can do? She seems...rather frail and sickly as she stands before me now.  
I wince and edge back against a statue. The tall man seems less than human, in his demeanor and his general aura. I pray it is a fever giving me illusions of the demon before me.  
He stares intently at me as my loyal guards defend my honor, not stopping them once to disagree. One small bauble, strewn about his neck, glows faintly.  
  
Excuse my absence, I shout, running to the safe darkness of the sanctuary's halls.  
One guard breaks his discipline and follows after me, chases me to the very end of the hall, where I collapse to my knees and shudder.  
What is wrong, my lady? he inquires softly.  
I grasp my shoulders and wince.  
I...I don't know...I've been very tired recently. I may be falling ill with a plague.  
Oh, dear heavens no! You can't be.  
But I MUST be!! I whirl and glare hopelessly into his gunmetal gray eyes.  
Why do you say that?  
Because...that man—that THING out there—I must be hallucinating, for he appears to me as a demon—  
You must find my ramblings to be pure insanity. I am not fit to be your leader...  
He puts his arms around my shoulders and hugs me tightly.  
Stop telling yourself such bullshit, my child. You are perfectly fit to be a leader.  
And you're not the only one who saw a demon in that man's place.  
I turn about and worm out of his arms, only to find myself standing beside a tall woman.  
A woman vampire, smiling kindly at me.  
ASTRID  
  
It had been almost twelve years since I last saw her. Raziel should have been thrilled by her charming round baby face. I knew it was his daughter the instant she opened her eyes and stared at me.  
I knew I could not raise a child, being myself very young and, on top of that, a vampire.  
I christened her Libera, feigned my own stabbing, and hauled the child off to a neighbor.  
My word! the lady of the house shrieked upon witnessing the illusions of gore.  
Please...take my baby girl.... I choked. Take my Libera to the Sarafan...to Raziel....  
And I fell limp. Playing dead was so much easier as a vampire.  
From what I heard, the lady carefully picked up the child, whispered a blessing at my corpse, and slammed herself into her warm home.  
That was the last I saw of Libera for twelve years.  
  
She now trembles before me, eyes wide with shock.  
Do not be frightened, my daughter.  
She obviously recognizes me and refuses that feeling.  
I am not your daughter! My father was the greatest man in Nosgoth! He would never EVER get near to a vampire without slaying the poor creature!!  
I sigh reluctantly; apparently the child does not remember the guise under which I gained entry to the sanctuary.  
My child, watch closely.  
With a flick of the wrist and a sweep of the scarf, I enveil myself in the illusion of the same woman Raziel mistook me for all those short years ago.  
This is what your father saw when he and I created you, I calmly inform her, then take on the guise of a Sarafan guard.  
This is what YOU saw last night after you discovered the dead man in your chambers. I am the one who escorted you to a safer room.  
And I pass the scarf over myself once more.  
This, I believe, is what Raziel looked like before he was slain.  
Libera bites her lip as tears trickle down her lovely porcelain cheeks.  
Witchcraft...demon trickery!! she cries out under her breath. Something has made her very weak, and I have no doubts as to what it may be.  
Sweet child, please be calm! I softly beg. Do you wish to bring their wrath upon the both of us?  
She stares wildly at me, confused by my words.  
Now that you have begun your transformation the Sarafan will not hesitate to destroy you as well as myself. We must hurry to get out of here.  
You shall be the only one to die today, vampire! she grunts, then bellows for her guards.  
  
Four guards arrive with impeccable timing. Were I to have had the gall to attack my daughter, the Sarafan minions should have been able to pry her out of my grasp and gut me like a fish, all without doing any harm to their lady.  
Were they also to realize that I was not one of their number, I chortle silently, their fury would be the least of my fears.  
But what am I to fear from a bunch of mortal fools who blindly follow my vampiric daughter as the champion against her own kind?  
My Lady, is everything all right?  
She glares darkly at me, then at the guards. She knows it would do no good to try convincing them of my true nature, since my disguise is always perfect, and sighs.  
Everything is fine. I wish to speak with this tall stranger again.  
I smile and proceed with the guards to the inner courtyard, where the vile Hilden bastard still stands, stoic as hell and urgently wishing to destroy me.  
Pardon my sudden leave; I was feeling unwell, Libera sternly informs the stranger. Now, there are certain matters I'm dying to discuss with you.  
As I with you, he mutters.  
  
Of utmost importance, I believe, is the reason you are here. Would you care to fill me in on that particular detail?  
He unfurls his arms and barks, I am here for same reason you are here: to destroy vampires.  
She folds her arms and narrows her eyes thoughtfully; Raziel must have been very proud of her while he was alive. The resemblance between the two is nearly shocking.  
That much is obvious, but I sense you are witholding something. Would you care to explain yourself fully? or, if it's none of our business, you can feel free to keep your mouth shut.  
He stretches to his full height and clears his deep, thick throat.  
Do you see this bauble on my cloak? he asks of the gathered.  
The guards nod their head. Libera and I glare at it.  
This is an enchanted stone. It gives off a glow in the presence of a vampire.  
But—it's glowing now!  
He nods to the dim-witted guard. That means a vampire is among us.  
The guards glance about them, perplexed by the numbers of dead, staked vampires around them.  
A live vampire, my men.  
Since when are they your men?! Libera growls. I never heard any arrangement for the transfer of power!  
He laughs powerfully. I don't imagine the respectable Sarafan, the slayers of vampires, would take too kindly to a vampire leading them.  
  
She jumps at the accusation and glances at me. She knows I am right now, yet still hopes he is wrong.  
How DARE you accuse our lady of such a thing?! the most loyal of the guards demands and rushes the Hilden.  
He raises one arm and ruthlessly brushes the guard aside; the poor fool impales himself on his own sword.  
Do you not see how she is different? the Hilden continues. Doesn't she look pale? like one of the dead?  
The guards peruse her and, following the words of the Hilden, fool themselves into believing him.  
I heard she was found with a man drained of his blood just the night before. How could a vampire have killed him, stashed him in her room, and left without a trace?  
There is wisdom to his words, one of the guards mutters. It seems mighty suspicious that she has been weary of late, despite all the food she's eaten.  
These stupid fools. All this while I thought the Hilden would blow my cover, but he's settled for harassing a prepubescent little girl and turning her most trusted guards against her. The cowardice overwhelms me until I can't help but burst out laughing.  
The Hilden glares darkly at me.  
What is so funny, you fool? Should this vampire be allowed to run free in our holy presence?  
You stupid bastards! I proclaim, dropping my guise before them. I'VE been in your midst all this time and you haven't done a damn thing about it!  
  
The Hilden stumbles back a step, as do the guards. Not even the all mighty demon had expected this move.  
Have you lost so much of your former prestige that you stoop to harassing children? Bloody hell, I remember a time when I was scared MINDLESS of your order! Now I find you nothing more than hilarious puppets of a blind, stupid master!  
Libera stutters to gain her breath and whimpers, Kill her! Kill that vampire!  
The guards instantly turn on her.  
We won't take orders from a vampire. I'm terribly sorry, my lady; it's been a good run while it lasted.  
But, I'm afraid this is where it ends—  
His head falls to the ground spurting blood.  
Behind him, with his furious blade unleashed, is the blue creature calling himself Raziel.  
In a matter of a moment, the remaining Sarafan guards fall at his feet, dead and horribly mangled by his blade. With those opponents down, he turns to the Hilden and narrows his glowing eyes to slits.  
Who ARE you...? he hisses.  
The Hilden hurriedly draws his sword in an attempt to quickly slay the child, but is stopped when the creature leaps on him like a tarantula and claws at his throat.  
LIBERA RUN!!!! the creature shouts, struggling with the Hilden monster.  
With not a second to breathe, Libera turns and scoots off for the nearest door, panicked as a deer.  
Not very hesitant myself, I dart after her and scoop her into my arms before taking flight into the blighted white winter sky.  
  
She struggles at first to wrench free of my arms, but once she realizes the height at which we are soaring, her struggles become a desperate clutching.  
After several towns and valleys, I alight on the edge of a cliffside balcony and relax in the shade of the cavernous mouth. The child, stunned speechless, drops to her knees and warily watches the surrounding trees.  
Well, Libera... I whisper, wary of startling her, what do you think now?  
I can't say... she replies, equally wary as myself.  
Will you accept it, now, that you are a vampire? You can't survive if you don't.  
She clenches her hands into little fists.  
If I am a vampire, as you all claim I am, I most certainly am NOT your kin.  
I smile sadly. There's no use forcing her to believe more than what she has to cope with already.  
All right. You don't have to like me, but you WILL need someone to help you until you grow older.  
She leans over the edge of the balcony and took in the scenery breathlessly.  
Are you offering to be my mentor? she asks.  
Her clean, bitter wit stuns me into silence.  
Perhaps we can learn from one another. You can learn how to be subtle, and I can learn what it is to be a vampire.  
You're not very subtle yourself, I retort. How old are you? twelve?  
Bear with me; I've just buried my father, taken command of hundreds of ass-prick righteous soldiers, and had them turned against me. If I seem bitter, you know bloody well why.  
Ah. Well, so you know, I'm just over three hundred years old. For a vampire, that's rather young. Perhaps there is a lot we can learn from each other.  
She turns her head to me and smiles for the first time I can ever remember. Her facial build undeniably comes from her father, I realize, and smile back.  
Well, first of all, you'll need to know how to feed yourself. I never signed up to be a babysitter, just a mentor.  
She laughs bitterly. You can't decide what you've gotten yourself into until you're through with it, silly.  
I let out a chuckle and gaze at the low-lying town beneath the cliff.  
You'll practice there.  
  
Several hours and badly-buried corpses later, my daughter Libera can feed herself with no help from me. Her excellent learning skills must have helped her become the Sarafan leader at such a young age.  
Now that you can feed yourself, child, you should learn to fight.  
I already can. I was training with the Sarafan for several years.  
Ah, but things are different now. You'll have to adjust to the changes in your body, both for yourself and for your opponent. Humans, in a fight with a vampire, will fight their dirtiest. You should understand that, having only recently been one.  
  
I know the best teacher in the world for such a task. She is my mentor and my sister, but she lives very far away. Are you prepared to come with me on a long trip?  
How far?  
Across the ocean and over some mountains.  
Ocean?! You're from across the sea?  
I laugh heartily. Nosgoth is not nearly as small as you were told. And, because of that, there are vampires all over the place.  
She looks deeply downcast. That means...our quest was moot after all.  
Oh, silly, don't worry about it. Wherever there are vampires, there are vampire hunters. I should know—my father was one until I slew him.  
You killed your father?  
He sacrificed me unjustly, so he deserved it. Because of him I am a vampire.  
I could see the tiny mote of respect for me growing in her heart upon the discussion of my father. She held her own father very highly.  



	3. Enter the Goth Queen

LIBERA  
  
The biting cold winds cannot affect me as much as they used to. My heart has grown cold and angry, though I sometimes still grieve very much.  
It was a great loss to the brotherhood, the loss of all our greatest warriors at one moment. Only Malek remains, and he faces the terrible burden of guarding the three of the Circle who were not slain that very same day. He does not seem the same as he always was. His face has become scarce lately.  
I stumble down the mountain and almost lose the path back home. Anger boils through me. I cannot believe I lost that bastard! My father would have been ashamed that I have taken so long to get my revenge.  
It is several hours before I get home, and I am very weary. The guards waiting at the gate ask about the others who came with me.  
They were attacked and slain by the same creature who killed my father. I barely escaped with my life.  
Well, fear not, Lady Libera. You are safe here.  
The guards usher me into the confines of the stronghold and close the gates to the cold world outside. Even here I do not feel safe. That blue beast managed to get in here before; what would keep him from reaching me now?  
I walk towards my bedchambers, because I am very tired suddenly. So tired that I slump over in the middle of the hallway and stagger away from smashing my head on the wall.  
a guard inquires. Are you all right?  
I glance up at him and smile weakly. I mumble something which I cannot hear, and he steps to my side and slings me over his shoulder. Everything is black, so black.  
I awaken on my bed, sitting straight up. The gentleman who brought me up to my chambers is kneeling beside me, apparently groveling.  
Sir? You may take your leave now. I am quite all right.  
He does not move. Perhaps he tired himself to sleep from the exercise.  
I jostle his head.  
His head rolls limply to one side, revealing a ghastly pair of bite marks on his firm neck.  
  
  
I jump away from him. A vampire must have followed me!  
I look about; all the windows are shut and locked. No vampire would have been able to come through without breaking the locks.  
My door is also shut and locked. If there is a vampire here, it must have followed us all the way here. Perhaps it was that male vampire I saw just after my father's death.  
I lick my lips nervously—and startle. My lips are not normally so salty. Hesitantly I wipe my mouth with my fingers and hold them out to inspect.  
On my fingers, and also my lips, is the red blood of a man.  
I look back at the man's neck. The bite marks are not so far apart, as if the vampire who slew him were a child. As if it were me.  
But I am not sure if it is really his blood on my mouth. Gently I bend over and taste the blood on his neck, then test that on my fingers. It tastes the same.  
I panic—could it be that vampires are taking over my body to get me slain by the very order I have sworn myself to?!  
I frantically smear the blood from my face onto my red bedsheets just as a guard begins pounding upon my door.  
Lady! Are you all right??  
I open the door and sigh with relief.  
Thank goodness you're here! A vampire just came to my chambers and slaughtered this poor man!  
The guard inspects the dead man's neck. Seems like a rather small vampire to me. Are you sure it got away?  
I nod my head. I almost had him. I wonder if I am truly fit to lead the Sarafan.  
He pats my shoulder and replies, Of course you are. You are young yet, but your courage and strength reflect your father's spirit.  
You'll make him proud. Now come, Lady Libera. If the vampire can reach you here, we must move you to a safer spot.  
He and the other guards prepare me a room right next to where the Soul Reaver lies. I cannot sleep well, turning over that vampire's words in my mind.  
Is the Reaver really a vampire blade? If so, can it seek blood like its demonic kin and kill me in the middle of the night? Does it bring vampires here like cats to catnip?  
And I see two glowing eyes staring at me the whole night through. Whose eyes are those, who watch over me so silently and so tirelessly?  
I pray despairingly for the guiding watch of my father's spirit to save me from this madness.  
  
I drift into a restless nap just before sunrise; when I awake, I am as tired as I ever have been. Sleep, it seems, cannot stop the change I feel deep inside, nor can it bring me the respite I need.  
a guard asks at my chamber door.  
I grunt uncharacteristically low.  
He taps the door open slightly and peeps in at my misery.  
The sun is full well in the sky, my lady Libera. Are you sleeping so long because you are ill?  
I bloody well wish I WAS ill, I almost reply.  
No. I am awake now.  
Rubbing my bleary eyes open, I stumble out of bed and towards the door. With his aid I make my way to the inner courtyard, where a stranger harshly calls attention to me.  
Is that your leader? barks a tall, unworldly-dressed man. His eyes seem alien as they bore through to my soul.  
Yes, sir. This is our lady Libera, daughter and successor of our slain leader Raziel.  
The tall stranger gives me the once-over and folds his arms, obviously dissatisfied.  
She is but a child, is she not? Perhaps, twelve?  
The guard speaking with him nods. Despite her youth, she is a very powerful commander.  
Is that all she can do? She seems...rather frail and sickly as she stands before me now.  
I wince and edge back against a statue. The tall man seems less than human, in his demeanor and his general aura. I pray it is a fever giving me illusions of the demon before me.  
He stares intently at me as my loyal guards defend my honor, not stopping them once to disagree. One small bauble, strewn about his neck, glows faintly.  
  
Excuse my absence, I shout, running to the safe darkness of the sanctuary's halls.  
One guard breaks his discipline and follows after me, chases me to the very end of the hall, where I collapse to my knees and shudder.  
What is wrong, my lady? he inquires softly.  
I grasp my shoulders and wince.  
I...I don't know...I've been very tired recently. I may be falling ill with a plague.  
Oh, dear heavens no! You can't be.  
But I MUST be!! I whirl and glare hopelessly into his gunmetal gray eyes.  
Why do you say that?  
Because...that man—that THING out there—I must be hallucinating, for he appears to me as a demon—  
You must find my ramblings to be pure insanity. I am not fit to be your leader...  
He puts his arms around my shoulders and hugs me tightly.  
Stop telling yourself such bullshit, my child. You are perfectly fit to be a leader.  
And you're not the only one who saw a demon in that man's place.  
I turn about and worm out of his arms, only to find myself standing beside a tall woman.  
A woman vampire, smiling kindly at me.


End file.
